A Lot Of Thinking

Good Morning-

I have been quite busy as of late, and as is the case with busyness, I let this blog go unkept for too long.

I have been working on a lot of music lately. It seems that some of the things I have been writing have been pulling on things within me that at first glance were only surface deep. As life goes, it is easy to pass over seasons of our lives and not really acknowledge certain aspects of our feelings.

Now let me clarify, I think that feelings are sometimes overrated. Feelings can lead you to make a decision that, if logic were applied, is no benefit at all. I tend to be quite pragmatic. In my mind responsibility always comes first. Feelings can be temporal and directly related to a moment or emotion in that moment. In my mind feelings should only be the shading within the picture outlined by my overall goals and responsibilities. If I only allow feelings to dictate the outline, the vista of my life will constantly be changing to the feelings of that moment. That's a lot of erasing!

Back to feelings. The Lord has been very good to me. I am grateful that it would almost seem that He protects me in moments of overwhelming emotion. He causes me to not have irrational reactions but allows me to move forward. It would seem that I can then look back and fully deal with said situations, but removed from the initial feels of reaction.

I have been looking back at some of the things that have happen to me in the last few years. This is why music is so therapeutic for me. As I write I can re-examine how things have touched me and made me who I am.

In some ways this is why I love sad songs. Anyone can quickly pen out and describe the initial feeling of puppy love. That is probably why love songs are a dime a dozen. A sad song is a reflection of deep intrinsic thought. Even the language of love songs seem over used. To me this certainly causes the meaning of these words and feelings behind them to be neutered.

It could be for this reason that I do not identify very well with most Christian music. Maybe it's the language? When I read the lyrics to most Christian music, worship included, it feels like words. Not heart. It seems that there is no blood in it. No life.

Anyone can have a high time with Jesus and write a chorus that says "You are awesome,
I love You so much, I will praise You because You are worthy."

Now, hear my heart here. He is worthy. He is awesome. We love Him. But to me God is not looking for another Hallmark card from the Church. Something that has already been said a thousand times over and we did not have to give any thought or investment to write. In many ways we pick a card off of the shelf and sign our name to it and call it a song.

He wants our expression to be drawn from a place that has touched us, impacted us in some way. Our language. Our heart poured out. Which is sometimes quite messy.

"Feelings, nothing more than feelings".

-J